The Night she Deigned not to Die...

It was my last night of graveyard shift duty at the Labour room as an intern in Gynae & Obs

And boy!!! was I glad?!!!

Now, now...don't go all judgemental...

I love what I do

I do!

But honestly, do storks just have to deliver their goods in the dead of a December night???

I mean, it's not comfortable for the newbie mommies

it's not comfortable for the newbie babies

AND it's most definitely not comfortable for the newbie doctors...

To add insult to injury it was not only really really cold but also the sleeves of my apron had gotten all wet too somehow

So I was cold wet and delivering babies on a freezing December night

Now go ahead and be judgemental

See if I care!

Anyways so here I was grumpily going around doing whatever needed doing when the senior gynae resident walks in...

The young patient who had to be wheeled in for an emergency C-section in the afternoon was going into shock::: she informed

Her BP was fluctuating

She had been put on dopamine and fluids

Her urine output was dangerously low

AND they just couldn't get her a vacant bed in the ICU where all the necessary monitoring facilities were...

They had been trying all day

Pulling all strings that there was to pull....but to no avail!

Someone up in ICU had even offered that if the G&O people could just come up and maybe boot out one of its present occupants and thereby empty out a bed for this one they were more than welcome to do so!

Guess my nerves weren't the only ones frayed around here huh?

There was an epidemic of frayed nerves in progress

*sigh....

So anyways like I was saying this patient's condition was deteriorating...and deteriorating fast

She needed constant monitoring

And well it stood to perfect logic that if a machine wasn't around to do just that a human had to step in it's shoes...

So lo and behold...

I was handpicked by the VS as the one most likely to excel as a machine...

Applause all around please....

Thank you Thank you

*and I bow

So this is how it came to pass that on this particular cold dreary december night I was sitting beside a very frail young woman with multiple IV catheters going in here and there into her...

Delivering a bit of this and a bit of that...

Whose dosage by the way required constant vigil depending on her vitals...

Which by the way I was to check EVERY 15mins...

Her BP

Pulse

Urine output

Respiratory rate

Temperature

auscultate her chest

see if there was any oozing from the surgical wound

etc etc etc

In short, I had to do all it took to ward of any dark angels if they dared venture close to my patient

* shoo!!! You scavengers of souls!

Am in no mood for any of your nonsense tonight

Got that?

So that's what I was doing when this young woman, Arpita [ as per her bed head ticket] opens her eyes briefly and cries out:::

"My baby! my baby??? Oh my baby! Where is it?"

"Shhhhhhh!" I say " You have a healthy little boy and he's doing just fine, he's in the nursery."

At this news she starts whimpering

"Oh please doctor, bring him to me one time...just once...I want to see him just once before I die...oh my baby"

Die...DIE???

What do you mean you die???

I will slap you tight if you die

You hear me?

It's cold

It's dreary

I am tired

And yet I am here

And SO you are not gonna die on me

Get that?

That's what I wanted to scream at her

But I didnt

" Now here, Arpita" I said as soothingly as I could manage in the face of my rising irritation,

"You are not going to die

You are not going to die 'coz I have been working my ass off here just so that your son has a mother tomorrow morning...

Just so that you can feed him and bathe him and hold him and love him and help him grow up to be just as fine a person as you undoubtedly are right this minute..

So you hear me?

You are NOT gonna die

Dont you even dare try" I finished

But by then I wasnt sure she had heard me, she had dropped off again...

I immediately checked out her vitals and adjusted the doses as required and then breathing a very irritated sigh sat down once again to wait for the next 15mins to go by after which I would repeat the whole thing all over again...

Boy!!! Talk about ungratefulness!!!

Die huh?

If she did that I am personally gonna resurrect her and then kill her all over again

*I vowed

She didnt die

She made it

But she slept when my bright-eyed fresh-faced replacement came in the next morning

I handed over the case

touching up all the necessary notes I had made into her BHT & treatment card all through the night

And gave the morning intern a work-up on what had transpired the night before...

He was quick on the uptake

And shooed me away to my unmade bed in my cramped dorm room

Ahhhhh!!! Talk about paradise on earth

I must have outslept Rip Van Winkle that time around

Anyways I had forgotton all about her...

all about her...who had deigned not to die on me that december night...

when one fine lazy spring afternoon

I was strolling down College street

contently shopping for an interesting hardcover to read in a sunlit alcove while sipping fruit juice...

and I wanted it for a bargain too...

So I was busy poking my nose around all those tiny quaint used-books stores...

When all of a sudden I was hit by a petite tornado...

"Thank God!!! Thank God!!!

Is this really you, doctor?!!!!

Oh! I was so afraid I would never get to see you again

to thank you for properly for pulling me back from the dead!!!

Oh!!! Thank God!!!

Thank you so much...

My prayers have been answered!!!

It is you!!!"

"Ahhhhhhhhh well

Ummmmm yes

looks like I am me alright

ummmmmmmm

but am very sorry

I really cant place you"

"Arpita...bed no 161

27th dec....last year...

I had my baby...remember...

You watched over me that dreadful night...

when I thought I would die...

But I didn't

all because of you

Thank You!"

Ahhhhhh yes!!!

The impudently incorrigibly ungrateful soul who thought who could just like die on me!!!!

The guts!!!

By jove!!!

The nerve on the woman!!!

Oh Yes!!!

I remember her alright!!!

And I could still strangle her alright!!!

Boy! Was I cold and wet and tired and a real mess that night?!!!

* I thought

But then she was frantically waving over an young man with a 4 month old baby in his arms towards us

"This is my husband

And this is Priyank

We named him after you."

Oh!

Oh!

WAIT!

What?

Could you repeat that again please?

A Salute

A Salute to Inspector Mohan Chand Sharma [1965-2008]
We sleep easy because of people like yourself, Sir
Thank You
Jai Hind!

So what?

I got a TV in my room today
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"So what?" you might say
But am NOT letting you sour my mood today
AND I wanna say
I got a TV in my room today!!!!!!!!


My bro had one in his since I don't remember when
And of course Dad
But now I have MINE :))))
[So what if it's only 'coz one of them thought mine was only fit to be thrown away?]
So what if it's the oldest of the lot?
So what if it's almost half as old as me most probably?
[Am not all that old!!! Exxxxxcuse Me!!! :P]

So what if it goes green and red in the face sometimes?
I go green and red in the face sometimes too
So I totally understands it's sentiments
So what if it often croaks
I don't
But then am not holding that against it
So what if it hasn't got cable set?
I am working on that yet :)
So what if it's two channels often overlap?
TVs should be allowed to think of two things at the same time too
I totally defend that!
So what if it's remote only works when held in a partcular fashion and at a particular angle?
I can manage that
I have elementary gymnastics knowledge! :))))

Now don't you go smirking at MY TV!
I won't stand for it!
HELL NO!!!
Not one bit!
If you don't like it
Who told you to go ahead and read about it?

A little prayer...

CBI clueless in Aarushi murder, all suspects get bail 13 Sep, 2008, 0554 hrs IST, IANS

I don't know what to say...

Or even if there's anything still left to say...

But somehow I feel compelled to put in a word....

So, the only thing I am gonna say is:

[which is somehow being conspicuously left unsaid in all the sensationalization ]

I am really really sorry it had to be this way

It's outrageously unfair I know

But I sincerely hope wherever you are

You are in a better place now

Rest in peace Aarushi...

Of Pixies and Of Gnomes...

For some crazy reason today
I want to hear a story that says
"Once upon a time in a land far far away
There lived a farmer with his wife..."
I turn this way and that
I leaf through the text am reading
I grip my pencil harder
And shake myself up mentally
What is wrong with you? I ask
Why won't you concentrate?
Who is it that calls you back
To those days of sunshine and buttercups?
Is it Puck, the mischief-maker?
Or is it one of the Folks of Faraway Tree?
What is it that they want?
A Fretful Sigh
Or a Remembered Smile?
" I have not a thing to give you now" I say
"Leave me alone
Go away"
"Come" they smile
"It's a beautiful night
Through the Enchanted Woods"
The pixies dance
The goblins grin
The rainbow shines
And the castle gleams
"There's a maiden fair" they say
"Whose story shall be told today"
"I know
I know"
I snort
"All that's there to their lot
Rosy cheeks and slippered feet
Dimpled chins and Light within.
What is it that can be new?"
I turn back to my book anew
Comes a whisper with the breeze
"It's not the Prince who she seeks
But the Pirate that set sails for the seas!"

The Truman Syndrome

Ever felt the fine hair on your neck stand up?
Ever felt the telltale prickling on your back?
Ever come across something in the morning newspaper or the popular radio channel that felt like it was in your head only the night before?
Ever felt like someone is scrutinising your every move, your every thought and your very soul ?
Yes?
Then welcome to the club, Brother :)
You have the TRUMAN SYNDROME
We don't like to talk about it
We know it may sound a bit crazy---delusional-like
But all the while there's this Unease
Crawling up and down our spines
" Someone is watching
Someone knows something
Someone just wants to be in your head
Someone wants your soul" it says
We shake it off in broad daylight
We laugh at ourselves in the mirror
Until we see the thought---our thought---our idea right there on the front page of the papers complete with a diagram and a picture!!!
There's a gasp
A catch in breath
A pause in mid-sentence
And then the violent shrugging
A tremulous nervous laugh
And a denial
Before the frantic clambering towards "sanity"
This can't happen
This doesn't happen
We repeat fervently
BUT IT DOES!!!

And there's nothing to be scared of :)
Your bathroom mirror isn't a sophisticated hidden camera
Neither is there a satellite in space bearing your name
Nobody knows what you thought last night
And then maybe again they do
BOO!
Scared you!
Hehe

Actually I think maybe somebody knows what you think
Maybe somebody was thinking the exact same thing
Maybe someone just happened to be using the exact same phrase, the exact same words, the exact same idea!
Afterall we live in a very connected world today and History has it that in a given particular socio-politico-economical condition it is not unusual for two individuals to be going through the same things, having similar experiences and hence thinking similar thoughts...
only maybe earlier on they each thought it was just them thinking things whereas now with the world made smaller by the advent of tv, radio, print and the www we know for a fact it is not so...
Or do we?
Hehe...
Ok! now am scaring myself
So let the heebie-jeebies continue
In the meantime the question is:
You want a piece of me huh-huh?
Come, let's see you get it
HIIIIIIIIII-YAHHHHHHHHH! :D

Honesty is the best policy or is it?

Honesty is the best policy----this is an old one
Someone somewhere must have told you so sometime---most probably as a kid I would venture and then I would go further and say, then it certainly must have been some time now :)
So as an adult now, what do you think?
How much water do you think this statement holds?

You know what... of late I watch this show on Star World called the Moment Of Truth every tuesdays.
In case you haven't caught any episode lemme just tell you it's a reality show wherein contestants are asked 21 very personal questions which if answered truthfully gets them five million dollars!
Which is a lot of money
And which is a lot tougher to earn than it sounds.
You just need to catch one of the episodes to know what I mean
I find it a very very compulsive watch....there's just something about the Truth that makes one want to know.... it makes you feel like Pandora sitting there staring at her box, wondering.... always wondering.

Anyways as I sat there today transfixed, watching the contestant squirm about in her chair trying to answer something that would put a lot of things on the line least of which is the money and all very publicly at that I couldn't help but wonder how much honesty is good?

How much would you risk for the Truth?

Is it sensible to always be brutally honest when you know that a bit of twisting around the bare facts or sometimes even an outright lie is the best course to take in a given situation?

'Coz I believe that sometimes a truth can be more devastating than a million lies

Sometimes the truth is best left unsaid

Sometimes a lie can mean the whole world

And sometimes I will choose to simply take/give one lie over all the money in the world without batting an eyelid if it meant I could protect someone I really cared for or an institution/ideology I really believed in with all my heart...

So I don't know about you but personally I feel that honesty maybe the best policy mostly but not absolutely.

Nothing is absolute---there's always something relative.

And it's not always about Honesty.

Sometimes its about the greater of two "goods" or the lesser of two "evils"

My all-time favourite forward!!!!!:)

This people is my all time fav e-mail forward!!! :)
Ok you needn't look that scandalised!
So I have a favourite email!
Big Deal!
And I post it on my blog!!!!
So, shoot me! :P

It's back again..... even if you've already read this famous fwd, it's worth reading once more...... DO NOT MISS A SINGLE LINE .....and the last one is fantastic

THOSE GOOD OLD SCHOOL DAYS!!!

A job taken seriously

"Can you read?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said c-a-n y-o-u r-e-a-d?"

"ummmm....yes-s-s of course....why?"

"Coz you don't look blind!
And now you claim you can read
Then please will you tell me what's written on the notice just above this counter?"





That's what this is all about then.

"I am sorry" I mumble " I'll just check for the change"
I hunt about frantically in my purse

"Stand aside please " says the irritated voice once again "others have a train to catch u know!
Others who are considerate enough to actually read when they can!" he growls

I step aside, face flaming.
The man behind me steps forward and slips in his coins, casting a sympathetic eye on my flushed cheeks..
I am headed to the hospital.
I take the Metro everyday to work.
And this has never happened before.
That's largely 'coz I have never come across this ticket counter guy before.
He's new here.
He's into his mid forties I guess
A lean thin man with thinning hair and a fast receding hairline
He has a face criss-crossed with wrinkles or worry lines or frown lines more like [ if there's any such thing in the english vocabulary. And if not, I hope you still get the picture]
His eyes are slitlike with irritation and he has an unkept pair of moustache with a equally horrid beard to go with it.
He's fast though unlike other counter people I have come across
And he frowns in concentration everytime he enters data into the computer.
His light blue shirt, a part of the Kolkata Metro Services Employees' Uniform is crumpled and just as criss-crossed with worry lines as his face.

He glares at me as I meekly slide in the required change after the next person leaves with his ticket.
I am adequately rebuked.
And thereafter I always make it a point to carry the exact change for Crumpled-of-the-Counter
Always.

I see him every morning now
He never misses any oppurtunity to browbeat change-less offenders to a pulp
And if you argue back you end up not only missing your train but also being the recipient of very dirty looks from all the fellow commuters behind you who misses theirs too because of you.
Soon his ferocious reputation spreads far and wide.
All daily commuters now save up their last coin for Crumpled
Afterall very few people can afford to miss a metro during the office rush hour not to mention afford to start a perfectly good work day with Crumpled's ill will.
So we all stand in a neat line every morning and meekly turn in our changes as Crumpled glares us down anyways and puts the fear of God into our blemished souls.

This becomes a dreaded routine until one fine day a stranger arrives in our midst.

The first thing I notice about him is his camouflage patterned cargos with innumerable pockets and even more numerous chains, zippers and padlocks (!!!)
He wears a white V-necked T-shirt and a camouflage patterned vest (?!!) over it, again with innumerable zippers zigzagging hither and thither and Almighty knows serving what purpose!
Two dogtags hang from a silver chain at his neck
White ipod earplugs firmly in place.
He stands just ahead of me in the line and occasionally nods his head in tune with what I assume is the music playing on his ipod
I instantly know he spells DISASTER
IN CAPITAL LETTERS
And right on cue he slips in the fatal 10 rupee note through the semicircular window!
Snap comes up Crumpled's head
Eyes flaming with hell fire
Nose breathing the same.

"Can you read?" he snaps at Dogtags
Dogtags just nods and holds out 4 fingers on his right hand indicating the fare he seeks
" CAN YOU READ?"
I expect the glass screen to shatter any second now
"Huh?" is all Dogtags volunteer
Crumpled now furiously rap the glass screen and indicates his ear.
Dogtags is mystified with all this arm-flailing and finally curiously removes one of his earplugs
"Huh?" he goes again.
"C-A-N Y-O-U R-E-A-D Y-O-U-N-G M-A-N?"
"Yup! Why?"
Dogtags sways to his music
"READ THE NOTICE THEN. R-I-G-H-T T-H-E-R-E!"
Crumpled positively explodes now
Dogtags raises his eyebrow
"Oh! That!
Chillax Dude
You may keep the change my good man" he winks
Thunderclouds gather, lightning crackles
And then it starts to rain!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Sweet revenge!
A secret smile sneaks out on every face.
Until that is Crumpled's over-bright eyes and his more-crumpled-than-ever-before face is noticed!
All accusing eyes turn in unison upon the nonplussed Dogtags
"Why did you have to do that?" they all demand
"The guy was only doing his job for a change" we all defend unanimously!

I have always been Empathetic....

I have always prided myself on being empathetic.
Empathy is said to be the virtue by which you can put yourself in other's shoes to try & understand their perspective.
It may sometimes be confused with Sympathy but it's not the same thing or so I am told.
You may ask how it came to pass that I know I am empathetic when I have only the very foggiest idea that it is somewhat different to sympathetic...
I have to say, you have a valid point.
Well then, if you must know, I was blissfully ignorant of "Empathy" until I took one of those quizzes on Tickle.com that's supposed to tell you which character trait you are big on or something along those lines....
And I came out to be strongest on Empathy.
So there, now you know how it all started.
In any case as I was saying....
Once I knew I was Empathetic I started taking exceptional pride in in.
I mean Tickle said it was quite rare
And Wikipedia I believe said it was a "highly sophisticated subconscious processing" [although it also did say something about a flip side to the coin as well....but well what the heck?!!!]
In any case I decided to really notch things up a bit.
So, I started cultivating this habit of actually consciously making an effort of looking at things from atleast 3 different points of view:
A] The "perpetrator-of -a-act"-'s view
B] The "one-acted-upon/victimised (if you say so)"-'s view
And C] The "passive-bystander"-'s view
Thus was born 3 Voices in my head in addition to the one everyone has (or so I am told...again!) since like forever, the "nagging-conscience" or something crappy like that I think it is called.
These 4 Voices were always to be consulted before any verdict was to be passed.
They were a sort of jury.
Or a cabinet of ministers if you may
I would put everything up for a vote
And only then would I make a decision
That was to be my modus operandi henceforth

At first it went somewhat smoothly
But soon it turned a bit rough....yet mostly manageable
Then there was a huge fight
Then a stand off
An ego clash
And a monstrous delay

I ran around in my head from 1 Voice to the next
But then they were either busy at each other's neck
Or not on speaking terms with the rest.

I was distraught
This wasn't how Tickle said it worked
This wasn't how I had envisioned it would work
And most of all this wasn't what I had bargained for...at all!
All these Voices screaming around in my head all day long...
Sometimes holding a heated but intelligent debate
And sometimes just taking a cheap snipe at another when they thought the latter wasn't looking
was making for really really noisy innards
A complete Pandemonium!
This was simply ridiculous----I had created not 1 but 3 Frankenstein!
Didn't these Voices realise they were born of a supposedly rare noble virtue called "Empathy"?
They were not supposed to act in this juvenile manner!
They were supposed to act very very responsibly so as to make me this shinning paragon of Empathy who worked only in the best manner possible for all parties involved in any given situation and hence bring forth betterment of society and mankind as a whole!
Apparently they didn't!
They were only serving to make me terribly confused with all their differing points of view!

And Tickle didn't seem to think this situation was any of it's concerns
Cause it didn't mention anything about handling silly voices in one's head in it's test results
And trust me, I checked!
Darn! I should have known Wikipedia was trying to tell me something there...

However I am not the kind that lets Tickle pull one over me
So I found a solution
Necessity is the mother of Invention afterall (or so I am told....yet again!)
So, I simply picked out my favourite from amongst the four in any given situation
I mean, if I happended to be the perpetrator of the concerned act it was the "perpetrator-of-a-act" Voice I favoured
If I was the one acted upon, (the victim!) it was automatically the "one-acted-upon/victimised" Voice I listened to partially
And if I was merely a passive bystander I let Conscience make a short sweet speech and then I picked sides with either the perpetrator or the victim as maybe the case depending on the fringe benefits!
So you see, like I said i am Empathetic
And I have always prided myself on it!

And now look what I found in another blog:::
"Empathy- Your inner power is Empathy! This means that you have a talent for identifying others emotions, often by simply glancing at them. You're EXTREMELY shy and quiet. People sometimes dont notice you are around and seem surprised to find out you even exist in a big class. You're the often silent, goody two shoes, and few get passed the walls you've built up to stop yourself being hurt, as you no doubt have been in the past. Not everyone understands you, in fact some think that you're a snob or worse because you rarely participate in group activities. You're extremely sensitive, even the least harsh of words can hurt you. Only your very few, closest friends who have earned your hard-to-get trust know who you really are inside; a sweet, gentle young woman who is lonely and so desperately needing friends to support you. You can get very depressed and not always know why, despite your power of empathy, as it seems to only work for people outside you. Your friends always turn to you when they need advice or comforting, and in some way you need to give that help-it makes you feel better in return to know that youve helped out your friends. Despite your cold, impassive exterior and high, seemingly unbreachable walls, inside you are really a great, intelligent person, full of compassion and love, if only people would dare take a chance and try to get through your tough shell. Never let others get you down, or change you. You are very special the way you are even if you dont have fifty thousand friends, you are just as, if not more, extraordinary than everyone else. Reach for the stars, because I dont doubt you'll catch hold of them. Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet: A sweet, shy and romantic man/woman. The kind of guy/woman you know will never, ever hurt you, and will love you for ever. The kind of person who believes in true love, and soul mates. Your stone: Blue Topaz Your power: Healing. Emotionally, physically, or spiritually, you heal people with your words, your actions and presence. Youre the one that the little children are always drawn to, because they know you'll never let anything hurt them. Your element: Clairvoyance (The power to see objects or events that cannot be perceived by the normal five senses.) A quote that applies to you: "True beauty shines from the soul and warms the world with its kindness, compassion , and integrity."

Hrmph!

A Fashion faux pas

BRO I ( hollering from downstairs ):::

Now hurry up! You Piece of Shit!

I am not gonna wait for you all day

BRO II :::

Yea you'll be the Beast at the Ball anyways!

No amount of eye-ink or whatever those are will ever change that!

BRO I :::

Yea your face's an accident of nature as you well know!

"A Congenital Anomaly" if that's what you might wanna know!

HAHAHA!!!!

I continue tossing tops onto my bed without missing a beat.

You get used to doing stuff like that if you had brothers around practically all your life.

No big deal.

MOM :::

Leave your sister alone.

She will be down soon.

It's not like she's the one who spend hours at a time each in the bathroom everyday!

BRO II :::

Really Swell!

She's not the one who hafta shave!

BRO I :::

Or atleast she has some silly creamy thing to do her dirty work for her or something

BRO II :::

Oh yea!

What is that sad sad thing anyways?

Girls are so very pathetic!

MOM :::

OK! I have had enough!

You won't talk in this manner when a lady's in the room

BRO I :::

Oh! But we Don't!

He had a bump on his head to show for that quip for a good many days afterwards

We were headed out to watch some movie with some common friends.

Now, let me just clarify here that I don't have that much trouble with my wardrobe as the next girl may.

No, I swear.

Really.

'Coz I mean I wear jeans to work

I wear jeans to shop

I wear jeans to the movies

I even sometimes wear jeans to sleep

[ It can get really cold sometimes in winter!!! ]

The only thing that gives me grief is to choose from a variety of tops.

My friends will tell you I have a Top-fetish

But lemme just clarify here

They have been known to be lying on occasions

Anyways I can't wear my favourite white one

I wear that practically everyday

I can't wear the other white one either

I am saving that one up for a really really special occasion

I am not wearing any yellow

'Coz am not feeling very yellow-y today

Hmmmmm...what about green?

Nah! It's just too shiny outside for green today

The pink one's all too feminine

Maybe orange then.

But it's too long for the movies

Maybe I'll wear it to the OPDs someday

What about blue?

But I am wearing blue jeans! I don't wanna be the "Lady in Blue"

The Purple's still in the washing machine

Since yesterday that is....shoot!

BRO II

Are you done yet?

Or are you now waiting for the intermission to be over?

Oh Crap!

This is hard.

And I am late

I grab around frantically

Until I spot the black one

I try it on

PERFECT

It even says ::: Enjoy Life

There's plenty of time to be dead

Like I said Perfect!

Perfect for the movies

I turn around this way and that before the mirror

[ for only 5 mins mind you]

Then I comb my hair

I pile it up high first

Then I let it hang down

Next I curl it a bit more

No no not the effect I am looking for here!!!

Maybe some hair spray will set it just right.

Oh what woe!

This is never gonna work!

Why wasn't I born a mongolian with all those straight straight black hair?

BRO I :::

What the hell?!!!

Who gives a rat's ass what coloured top you wear with your silly blue jeans?

BRO II :::

Yea I mean as long as it's always BLUE

You are not exactly the fashion-adventuress, the trend-setting diva or something

I mean you can't even see beyond blue denims for crying out loud!!!

It's so like a uniform it's not even funny!

BRO I :::

Yea Whatever!

Get your ass down here this minute else we are simply leaving without you.

I grab my purse and race down the stairs putting on my high-heels at the same time

ME :::

Am here! Tada!

BRO I :::

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Mom! Will you just tell her!!!

BLACK doesn't even go with B-L-UUUUUUUUUUUUU-E

How many times do I hafta tell Y-O-UUUUUUUUUUUUU?

BRO II :::

Man!

U can totally rhyme!!!

BRO I :::

Hell yea!

One of these days I am gonna start rapping too!

Yo!

Christ!

Why did you make brothers?

Or Haute Couture for that matter?!!!

Whoever or Whatever said Pornography ain't educational doesn't have a clue what he/she/it is talking about!

I went to a Catholic Convent School since I was in Kindergarten.

Now I can tell you I am the good catholic girl but then I am not that much into lying.

[*Statutory Warning : Statement not up for any untoward misinterpretations or malacious rumormongering.

If caught, I can and I will sue you for defamation ]

Anyways the point is myself and my classmates had a pretty much strait-laced upbringing.

And mostly as young girls we didn't give a hoot about boys in any case

They were just dirty nasty things that didn't know the first thing about Barbies

And hence didn't deserve any mention whatsoever [those good old days! :D]

I loved the Sisters at school.

They wore pristine white tunics;

Told us to fold our hands in prayer or onto our laps while sitting on a chair.

They taught us table etiquette and to tuck a napkin in our collars while eating.

Anyways the point is I used to look upto them.

And think they would make good kindly Mothers, not anything like the ones all of us suffered at home.

And that brought me straight to wondering:

Heck! Why weren't they?

Mothers I mean?

They seemed amply qualified for the job than most others if you asked me!

I started researching on this grave injustice right away.

And came up with a naught!!!

[ I did mention I didn't know that many boys back then, now didn't I?

Hence the naught ]

I could only conclude that God must have some kinda register or something into which he wrote down which of the girls became Sisters and which became Mothers.

Now I have told you I loved Sisters and all...

And that I didn't think much of Mothers as a race...

But well...I still didn't want to be named under the heading Sisters in that register

I would rather be under Mothers

I mean I really thought I could improve their standards by actually being one of them and showing them the right way of going about things.

You just had to ask my Barbie to know what I mean.

In any case, each night I prayed very hard.

I told God I loved the Sisters and Him that is.....no offense

But please I would rather be a Mother

I mean the latter really could do with someone setting some standards

While the former had plenty of excellent representation.

Stands to logic. Nah?

Thanks.

Amen.

Imagine my relief when I came across my first Mills & Boons novel!!!

[WHAT u guys? Don't raise the eyebrow!!!

Absolutely EVERYONE reads them!

And Mother! Wait! I can totally explain! (*gulp!)]

Now! Whoever or Whatever said Pornography ain't educational contact me asap

I have a score to settle with you.

Big time!

AN HONEST ANSWER

If I could give an honest answer to the question sometimes asked of me:
"What made you interested in the Sciences in the first place?" :::

Someone once told me the earth was round like a balloon when I was a kid.

I started wondering how then did the rocket pierce the earth to get to space without, you know, deflating it?
I got seriously scared when Someone then laughed and explained to me we lived on the surface of the earth and not in it!
I mean, then I could just tumble off the surface , what with all the floating around in space that the earth did?!!!
I might have even cried.
Mortified, Someone then soothed me saying that the earth loved me very very much and wouldn't ever let go of me.
I looked at Someone with big big teary eyes and wanted to believe in him very very much.
But I didn't trust the treacherous Earth.
Uh-ah! Not one bit!
And I did my very very best never to offend it.
I never stamped my foot very hard.
I never dug a hole.
And I never plucked a plant.
People thought I was a very very disciplined kid.
They even told my mother so who couldn't make head or tail of it either.
But the matter of fact is, I was only trying very very hard not to offend someone who could then just let go of me so that I tumbled off into nothing.
Oblivion.
I grabbed on to the concept of gravity and clung to it very very tight when I first heard of it.
And I have been secretly in love with Newton ever since.
That is how I came to love the Sciences.
And that is how I came to stamping my feet very very hard too.
And that is the honest answer I sometimes crave to give to the aforementioned question.
But then someone or the other will think I am crazy.
And then I would lose my job.
And then I would be very very hungry.
So, I always make up some cock and bull story to that question.
And people just lap it up.
Weirdos, nah?

Sometimes I scream. Silently.

A Keloid is a condition of proliferation of fibroblasts, collagen fibrils & immature blood vessels usually on a pre-existing scar. It extends into the normal tissues & continues to grow years after injury---- I go over the definition in my mind the moment she tells me her complaint.

She is my Spot Case.
My last hurdle in the Surgery Clinicals.

I poke around a bit more on her scarred neck & upper chest.

She sits meekly, obliges when I tell her to turn her head or raise her chin & politely answers my questions:::
Yes, it itches she affirms.
Yes, it's growing.
Yes, it's been over 9 months now since the day she was burned.
No, there's no difficulty in moving her neck.
And so on....

I write down the diagnosis on my answer script.

Then I sit down on the lonely bedside stool & go over all my answers trying to figure out where I might have gotten something wrong...

My long case had been a 57 years old male with obstructive jaundice. A lot can be asked from that one.
I go over all the Differential Diagnosis in my head & frame my Clinical Diagnosis as I will say it to the examiners in the viva voce round that's gonna come up in about 5mins time.
I glance at my wristwatch.
Time's ticking steadily.
My heart picks up pace.

Shoot! It's the last day of Internal Assessments.
Surgery Clinicals done & am a free agent again.
I will go to my fav fast food joint the min this ordeal's over, I vow.
And boy!!! am I gonna party tonight!!!
I smile at the thought.

She smiles back---my Spot Case.

I had forgotten all about her for a moment.
Oh crap! the exam's isn't over just yet, I remind myself!
Still too early to start celebrating old girl, I scold.

"What's your name?" I ask. Just for the sake of it.
Knowing pretty well I didn't have to give the examiners the name of my Spot Case or for that matter the case history.
Only the diagnosis & answers to a couple of pertinent theoretical questions will be all that would be required.

"Sheouli" she answers, eyes sparkling.

She's a pretty girl, I realise.
She used to be that is....I correct myself.
I look at her anew.
Maybe only a couple of years older than myself I guess.
Her long hair is parted down the middle & plaited on either side of her small oval face.
Vermillion applied neatly at the part.

"You are married" I observe.

"Oh yes" she smiles back
"Infact, I am a proud mommy to a very beautiful 1 year old daughter" she giggles.

I look at my wristwatch.
It's past the 5 mins.
Where's the examiner?
I want this bloody exam to be over & done with.
I am tired of this nerve-wrecking wait.
I want to sleep...sleep in peace.
Haven't slept well since...well, since before the exams
Oh! what woe....I am the most wretched creature alive!!!

I tap my feet impatiently.

She is still smiling.
Eyes still sparkling.
She wants to talk about her daughter.

"Congratulation" I say " So, she's with her father now?"
I make inane conversation.

"No" she replies
"With her grandfather."

"Oh! father's at work?"

"No....no, he's not here.
He left me when I met with my accident.
Khushi was tiny then" she informs, smile still intact.

"Oh" I falter
"Oh, I am sorry."

"No, it's all right" she reassures me.

"So....so, how did all this happen?" I indicate the postburn contractures of her hands.
Her fingers are all fused together.

"I was warming Khushi's milk on the stove one moment & the next my pallu was on fire---it took only a few minutes" she smiles.
"Good thing is Khushi's cradle wasn't in the room" she perks up.

I am at a loss.
I nod.

"And your husband?"
I just can't stop myself.

"At work.
Papa says he was there when they admitted me into the hospital that night.
I wouldn't know...I didn't come around until a long time afterwards.
He left Khushi with Papa the next day.
We haven't heard from him since."

She is still smiling.

"Time's up!" announces the post-grad surgical resident as he hurries into the gloomy cabin & snatches away my answer script.
"Go down the corridor, second door on your left at the end---Dr. Mishra is ready for you now" he shoos me away.

"Best of luck" calls out my Spot Case.
"May you achieve all the success & joy in life.
You'll make a wonderful doctor someday" she smiles.

I scream.
Silently.

-Dr. Priyanka Angelina Xess