No? Well, lemme giv u a gist:::DAY I
U turn da key
Release handbrakes
Press clutch down 2 max
Put car in2 1st gear
Check da road up ahead
Check da rearview mirrors
Release clutch
Press down accelerator
Again da double check
Press clutch again
Put car in2 2nd gear
Accelerate
Repeat double check
Change gears again
Accelerate
And Voila!!! U r ready 2 fly
However, always rem da rearview mirror (afterall things in da mirror r closer than they seem)
Also rem
A] 2 honk at bylanes & at bicyclists
B] that da brakes don't work alone---da clutch duh!
C] 2 pray that da schoolkid up ahead doesn't all of a sudden decide 2 make a mad run 4 da sweetshop on da opposite side of da street
D] Hope da rickshaw puller isn't drunk at 8:30 am in da morn
E] Let da good truck pass
F***] Shit! da brakes pls if u may--- da gud man's probably just late 4 office, u can't possibly b mad dat he's dashing across da road now. Can u???...
When all of a sudden da very bored voice of BRO 1 pipes in 4rm da backseat:::
"Boy! If u go like ne slower I betcha v can make it back in2 time.
Infact, I think dat's Gandhiji just down da road there. No?"
BRO 2 (indignantly)::: " Pay da old fella some respect Dude!
Besides I think he's a bit 2 overdressed 4 Gandhi.
Betcha it's da neanderthal man though!"HONK!!!
Bus no. 3 enroute 2 shyambazar glares angrily.Crap! Da rearview mirror!!!
G] Forget da backseat, it's only da rearview mirror that counts old gal!...
DAY II
BRO 1 (in a staged whisper) :
" U know I think Di here is in LOUUUUU wid da rearview mirror!
She keeps stealing furtive glances at it like all da time!"
BRO 2: " AWESOME!!!"Jesus Christ!!!
Da instructor's right here ppl!
Cut me some slack here
Cheeezzzzzzzzzzz!!!
DAY III
After a particularly harrowing training session we make it back home.
I slither out of the car like a glob of jelly.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Home sweet home!!!
Ohhhhhhhhhh! Terra firma, my sweet!!!
And my legs!!!
And walking!!!
I love u all guys!!!
i swear i do!!!
BRO 1: " Maa, give me a garland quick."
MOM (suspiciously): " Y? what r u gonna do?"
BRO 2: " M gonna take a pic of da steering wheel"
BRO 1: " And m gonna garland it 'coz after da way Di's been clutching it in a death-grip 4 over da last half an hour it just can't possibly b still alive!"
DAY IV
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
" What the #$%&@....????!!!!"---that wud b BRO 1 4rm da backseat
I don't just get it!
Y do ppl ALWAZ say " M taking da dog out 4 a walk, honey"
when it's ALWAZ da other way around in reality???
BRO 2: " What? who did c kill now?
Where's da body? where's all da blood & da gore?"
ME:" Oh! Clamp up idiots!
It's da dog!"
BRO 1: " Dog? what dog?"
BRO 2: " Oh!!! c means DAT DOG dude!
The 1 dat just crossed da road just now
The 1 dat's about as far away 4rm dis car as da moon is this very min!!!"
The backseat errupts in sniggers...
" Carry on" says da soft reassuring voice of da instructor 4rm da passenger seat.
Fuming I put da car in2 motion again.
As we pass da dog & it's owner BRO 1 belts out a cheery : " Nice Morning & cute barkie u got there auntie"
WOOF!!! WOOF!!! goes da " cute barkie" in question.
" Y thank u nice young man!" says a flustered voice.
BRO 2: " Cute barkie???? D-U-D-E!!!!
Seriously???"
BRO 1: " Nah!!! Creepy creatures!
AND I mean BOTH of them!!!"
Louder sniggers still....
Man! Do I hate male bonding or what?!!!!
Disgusting!!!
DAY V
Say, do ya know what happens when u get a mother wedged in between 2 bros in da backseat while u r trying 2 learn how 2 drive?
No? Lemme give u a gist:::
"Beta! I need u 2 give me a lift 2 da Mother Dairy down da road...need a xtra packet of milk 2day...there's this new recipe blah blah blah...."--- yea u guessed right! that wud b mom as of this morning.
BRO 1: "Awww Mom! Just walk!
It's right down da road!!!"
MOM: " Precisely.
And right in ur way 2"
BRO 2 groans
MOM: " Besides it's ain't like m telling u guys 2 give me a lift.
I was asking my Beta here"
I groan
Ok
Turn key
Release handbrake
Press clutch down 2 max
Put car in2 1st gear
Check da road up ahead
Check da rearview mirrors
Release clutch
Press down acclerato....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR---that wud b da car
And da engine goes BLINK!
Hota hai! kabhi kabhi hota hai.
Now,
Turn key again
Press down clutch
Put car in2 1st gear
Do da double check
Release clutch
Press down acclera....
Oh! Holy Shit! It's rolling backwards!!!
Da freaking car's rolling backwards!!!
Stomp down on da clutch, da brake, da whatever!!!
Nething & everything down there!!!
SCREEEEEECCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
And BLINK!!!
dat's right! U guessed it again!
Breath in
Breath out
Breath in ...& out...phewwwwww
A hand reaches out 4rm da passenger seat & puts da handbrakes on.
And I hear da soft reassuring " Carry on "
So here goes again...
Da keys
Da handbrakes
Da clutch
1st gear
Double check
Release clutch
acc......
Screeeecccchhhhh.....grrrrrrrr.....Blink!
Oh crap! I can't make it...
da freaking transition 4rm da clutch 2 accelerator...from stationary 2 dynamic!
And I m miss smooth! I alwaz make da transition!!!
" Ok!
That's enough
I will just walk Beta *ahem *cough errrrr Beti!"
Yea u guessed it.
SLAMMMMMMMMMM---dat wud b da car door!
accompanied wid sniggering 4rm da back seat!!!!!
" Carry on" says a soft reassuring voice again.
I can't do it!
But oh hell!!!
What have I 2 lose now newaz?
So...
da keys
da handbrakes
da clutch
1st gear
double check
release clutch
press down a-c-c-e-l-e-r-a-t----o--------r
expect a grrrrrr ne moment now....grrrrrrrrrrr????
no grrrrrr?!!!!!!
it's rolling!!!
da freaking car's rolling
and NOT backwards!!!!
OK!!!
Press down accelerator....
redo double check
Press clutch again
2nd gear
release clutch
accelerate
repeat double check
change gears again
and accelerate
AND STILL NO GRRRRR!!!!!!
THAT WAS DA TRANSITION THRICE OVER!!!!
We zoom past mom.
BRO 1 (shouts): " So long Maaaa!
Get da new recipe on da table by da time we r home!"
SPLAT!
No dat wasn't da car!
Dat was da hi-five 4rm da backseat!
BRO 2: " ALRIGHT Di!!!"
BRO 1: " Yea SUPER KEWL Di!!!
cudn't have thought of nething better myself"
M weeping inside!
Idiots! I ACTUALLY failed 2 make da transition thrice over back then.
Now even if I do clear da freaking driving test mom's never gonna lemme take da car out 4 a spin!!! sob* sob*
Instead she's gonna prefer u 2 dolts 2 do it.
Not her Beta ( *ahem *cough errr Beti!!!)
Wails*
I DIDN'T do dat on purpose!
Silly Bros!!!!
What do they know about what's it like 2 b me?!!!!
I feel a congratulatory pat on my back!!!
No wait!!!
Make dat 2!!!
